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大四喜之夜,国外也有段子手

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大四喜之夜,国外也有段子手

友大家过大年好!应接来到本期的“异国他乡也可能有段子手”。下一周的北美洲赛管漂亮看点习以为常,曼彻斯特城大胜了和阿森纳足球俱乐部的要点之战,曼彻斯特联、切尔西、Real Madrid Club de Fútbol等搅扰狂胜,而圣Antonio和巴萨则获得平局。主公杯赛管,巴萨与Real Madrid Club de Fútbol就要半最后一轮比赛相遇。好了,话相当的少说,让大家快来看看歪果仁们的绝妙调侃吧!

伙伴们大家好,款待来到每一周的“国外也可以有段子手”!上周的澳洲足坛精粹看点司空眼惯。巴萨不败纪录遭到终结,曼彻斯特城足球俱乐部百分创联赛纪录,Chelsea无缘欧洲亚军联赛资格,温格迎来阿森纳足球俱乐部收官战,而利马Saul、Manchester United、皇家马德里等球队则顺利大胜。好了,话没多少说,让大家快来看看歪果仁们的好好调侃吧!

小友大家我们好,接待来到每一周的“外国也可能有段子手”!上周的亚洲比赛场面美貌看点熟视无睹,利马Saul大捷了与曼彻斯特城的UEFA Champions League主旨对决,Real Madrid Club de Fútbol、巴萨和拜仁奥斯陆也纷纭取得先机。周天的联赛比赛场地,拜仁罗马(FC Bayern Munich)提前6轮锁定冠军,Manchester United阻击了曼彻斯特城提前夺冠的步伐,巴萨、Arsenal Football Club等队纷繁完胜,而皇家马德里足球俱乐部、马德里竞赛足球俱乐部、Chelsea等球队则获得平局。好了,话没有多少说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的玄妙作弄吧!

友大家大家好,款待来到周周的“国外也可能有段子手”!上周的亚洲赛管美丽看点多多,巴萨、拜仁罗马足球俱乐部(FC Bayern Munich)等球队胜利荣升UEFA Champions League8强,而Manchester United和Chelsea则遭淘汰。周天比赛场所,温得和克、Chelsea、曼彻斯特联足球俱乐部、巴萨、Real Madrid Club de Fútbol等球队混乱折桂,而多位球员更加上演大四喜的好戏。好了,话十分的少说,让大家快来看看歪果仁们的精良作弄吧!

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塞尔吉奥·阿奎罗带帽,曼彻斯特城足球俱乐部3-1阿森纳足球俱乐部

frankoo123:哈哈,Agüero那射得比自个儿第叁回上床还快!(Aguero’s goal was faster than my first time in bed lmaooo.)

GriezyE:开班了啊?已经终结了!(I didn’t even start paying attention yet lmao.)

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whitebutter:比方大家假装竞赛一度终止了,曼彻斯特城足球俱乐部会不会就不虐咱们了?(If we pretend play has stopped maybe they’ll fall for it and stop too.)

Sawyerbk:看我厂比赛就好像被强X,与其苦苦挣扎被狂虐,不及坦然接受,说不定还能感受到高潮的快感。(It’s just like being fucked, you resist it you’ll be abused, or you accept it you could even feel the or瓦斯m.)

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Alexi16:小编们化解左后卫难点的高招,便是不上左后卫了…(How to fix your left back problem, don’t play one.)

Howizzle90:莫不是大家也在右后卫上这么整了?(We did employ that tactic tonight with our right back....)

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ben_would_burn:Arsenal Football Club面前境遇前6名球队的战功一贯很稳固。(Arsenal has the most consistent away form against top 6. Consistent.)

CheckIn123:那是因为最安静的早就遇不着了…(When the most consistent is not available.)

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无缘欧洲季军联赛,切尔西0-3奥胡斯

Lintal:踢欧联杯的觉获得比UEFA Champions League比很多了!欧洲足球亚军联赛只不过是皇家马德里每年都拿季军的独角戏而已!(EL is a better European Cup. CL is farmers trophy why else would Real Madrid walk it every year.)

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图片 11Jayveesac:吉鲁真是三日枪手,一生枪手!今后都要去欧联杯和大家遭逢了!(Ollie 吉鲁d is an Arsenal man through and through, he even joins us in the Europa League next season.)

TheTrackPadUser:您能够买走阿森纳足球俱乐部的人,但他俩的枪手之魂永不泯灭!(You can take the man out of arsenal but you can’t take the arsenal out of the man.)

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Idbolah:设若尤文要买Morata的听大人讲属实,那Chelsea肯定会拿了钱就跑…(If the rumours about Juve wanting Morata are true Chelsea should take the money and run.)

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nalJJaysNotHome:我们会挂念Morata的,希望他下一赛季能继续为作者厂后防线解围…(We definitely miss him when he isn't playing. Can't wait to see him next season save up our defences.)

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激情对决,波特兰3-0曼彻斯特城

Great-Band-Name:望着Chamberlain在哈特福德的进球,就就如在看从不愿和你上床的前女票在和新欢拍的性爱录像带一样…(When you see goal of Ox , it just feels like to see a sex tape of your ex who never did that with you.)

AleArdu_:曼彻斯特城足球俱乐部,你长久不会独行!(City you will never walk alone.)

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RVP_20_ :尤文和纽卡斯尔的后防线是否交流灵魂了…(Juve transferred their defense with Liverpool.)

goldengirl_7:哈哈,新北就是Manchester City F.C.那赛季境遇的最硬打击吧!(Lol Liverpool have been the biggest cock to City this season.)

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ChipAyten:若果每场比赛都踢Manchester City F.C.就好了,那样卧铺不早已争冠了吗?(If the schedule was City 38 times a season we'd be champs already.)

ethanicles7:自家看Sanne的表现依旧科学的,由他挡住下的Manchester City F.C.的抢攻,可Billy物浦后卫Lovren和范戴克加起来都多!(I'm almost positive that Sané managed to stop more City attacks than Van Dijk and Lovren combined.)

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PreJuryFlop:曼彻斯特城还并未有造出来地铁吗?(Did Man City even make it off their Bus?)

Kaklefrosk:观察Salah受到损伤时,埃及(Egypt)全国都深陷了急切状态,一辆救护车都从开罗开到阿布贾了!(Egypt must be in total emergency status right now, ambulances driving from Cairo to Liverpool when 萨拉赫 got injured.

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Salah大四喜,波特兰5-0沃特福德足球俱乐部

NickDootex:咱们能…能…能借萨拉赫回来么?就两场比赛就行,打野兽用…(Can... can... can we just get him back? Only for two matches against a monster?)

XPLJESUS:大兄弟,若是能回借,我们早就借了….(Forget it, we would have got him back if possible.)

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Computer_User_01:你们最大的荒谬,正是把萨拉赫当成平凡人类来相比!(Your first mistake was assuming 萨拉赫 was normal human.)

Tsubasa_sama:哈哈,Salah明天只是超级赛亚人!(Lol salah went super saiyan today.)

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Pzrapnbeast:大家好,笔者在关塔那摩监狱里关了4年,前几天才被放出去,笔者想问Messi哪天改名称叫Salah了!(Hi I was in Guantanamo prison for the last four years and just got free yesterday. When did Messi change his name to Salah?)

Theenigmacode:呵呵,Messi进过沃特福德足球俱乐部4个球吗?(Well, did Messi ever score 4 goals against Watford?)

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Choky:有人知晓Salah照旧单身么,小编想给自个儿招个亲…不是独自也没涉及,作者也知道他得以合法娶好些个少个爱妻的…(Does anyone know if 穆罕默德·Salah is single? Asking for myself this time! It’s ok if not , I know it’s halal to have more than one wife for him!)

Xrscx:自家早就给本身的每一种孩子都起名为穆罕默德了…(伊夫ry single one of my children will be named Mohamed.)

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Haze95:要是自己发觉萨拉赫正在和本身老婆啪啪啪,那自身自然会再递交Salah点伟哥!(If I walked in on 萨拉赫 in bed with my missus I'd grab him some aphrodisiac.)

Superwindex:您长久不会独自X高潮!(You'll never cum alone!)

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Witcher94:欧洲亚军联赛联赛能重新抽个签么…(Champions league redraw please...)

NN345:英国超级联赛各球队比不上众筹把Salah买下来吧,然后把他送到中中原人民共和国,可能另外越远越好的地点…(Premier league clubs should pitch in together to buy mo salah and send him to a chinese club or somewhere far away enough.)

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Psychotic_Bear:大家出生的时日刚刚好,见证了法老王的复活!(born just in time to witness the return of the pharaohs.)

7098698086:每一回Salah进球,小编就以为温馨死去多或多或少,今后自家正在看在哪家庭教育堂进行葬礼呢…(伊夫rytime 穆罕默德·Salah scores a part of me dies. Now I am looking for a church to hold my funeral.)

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马内进球,新山1-1西汉姆联足球俱乐部

jordanhhh4:即便你让埃里温和托特纳姆热刺参与唯有他俩俩的联赛,这最后他们照旧都得再三季军!(You could put Tottenham and Liverpool in a league with just the two of them and they'd somehow manage to second both.)

Apetoast:边裁弄坏了第二个旗子后就担惊受怕再弄坏第3个,未来什么处理罚款都不敢做了!(After the linesman broke his previous flag, he's now too afraid to use his new one to judge.)

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萨拉赫破英国一级联赛进球纪录,阿布贾4-0布Leighton足球俱乐部

Sicdafic:上帝能创制世界,但她能八个赛季进34个球吗?(God can create the world, but can he score 32 goals in a season?)

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Chokyx:如果法律允许达曼获取点球的话,Salah的进球数一定会越来越多…(Imagine his numbers if Liverpool was legal to get a penalty.)

Kerimsour:梅西乃至都没进去英国一级联赛射手榜前十,果然是个不刮胡子的大骗纸!(messi is not even on the top 10 list...The bearded fraud.)

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LFC_DB:总是收获联赛第四,红军产生新四军了么…(Consecutive 4th place finishes! Look at us, we Arsenal now.)

Carrassi:…真的么?

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C罗无解倒钩,Real Madrid Club de Fútbol3-0尤文(Juventus F.C.)

Merforce1:皇家马德里足球俱乐部玩FIFA游戏的难度品级依次为:欧洲亚军联赛级、新手级、半专门的工作级、专门的工作级、世界级、传说级和西班牙足球甲级联赛级。(Difficulty levels for RM playing fifa: CL, Amateur, Semi-pro, Professional, World Class, Legendary, Liga.)

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Brokingiant:走在雨巷中,寒风料峭透;是哪个人的泪花随风飞走,是何人的拳拳被雨淋透。(I’m walking down the cold street and at first I thought it was raining, but it is the bitter tears of me. And they are flowing from my heart.)

Beddevils:自个儿好怀恋那时候,大家一块驰骋UEFA Champions League的时候。(I miss the days we ruled CL.)

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JPaken:咱俩在俄罗丝踢FIFA World Cup的时候,能还是不能够每场赛中都演奏一下UEFA Champions League主题曲…(I'd like to order champions league anthems for 鲁斯ia World Cup, please)

GRI23:C 罗纳尔多一定会化为炮hub上的时尚的,因为她接连射向老妇人!(罗Nardoshould be the new pornhub star with how much he loves fucking Old Ladies.)

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Lovebanter:自家用尽无数脑筋去恨C 罗Nardo,可他却叁次又贰次用如此的展现打肿笔者的脸!(I invest so much time and energy into hating 罗Nardo and he goes and does this every time to make me shit.)

Guy_Ostrich:与其把那些恨意都转发为纯粹的玩味吧,或者50年内都不会再有这么的球员了!(All the hate energy was invested into appreciating something I might not see again for 50 years.)

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NIRossoneri:阿莱格里是或不是让球员们像踢决赛一样踢本场比赛了…(I'm guessing Allegri's team talk was to treat this like a final.)

Totally_Uninvolved:尤文防止再一次输掉决赛的最佳形式,便是不用进决赛!(Juve: You can't choke in the final if you don't even reach it.)

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Ninjapizzadude:布冯在场上的首先次触球,竟然是从球网里捡球…(Buffons first touch of the game was to pick the ball from the back of the net. Stats!)

yammertime27:有人黑C 罗Nardo只会进保姆球,但C罗打了她们的脸,最终的保姆球根本就没进!(Ronaldoproving the haters wrong with the tap in miss at the end.)

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Wigos:假设您在赛中就告诉本人C 罗纳尔多将会主宰一切,那自个儿大概得…亲你两嘴巴子(If you had told me before this game that 罗纳尔多 would completely dominate the match then I would have kissed you.)

HippoBigga:上次把皇家马德里足球俱乐部从欧洲亚军联赛淘汰的球队正是尤文,而这一度是3年前的事了…(Crazy to think that Juve was the last team to eliminate Madrid from the Champions League... Almost three years ago.)

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tweazz :Benzema和伊瓜因是或不是在比赛哪个人浪费的火候更加的多…(Benzema and higuain to compete in wasting scoring chances.)

Kaint58:浪费时机的前提,是您首先得创造开火候啊…(But you should have some chances to waste at first.)

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C 罗Nardo大四喜,皇家马德里足球俱乐部6-3赫罗纳足球俱乐部

Kd921:我们相应把Salah和伊Carl迪都买来,这样就会每星期天都进10个球了!(We should buy 穆罕默德·Salah and Icardi so we can score 12 goals a weekend.)

mavropanos27:还大概有武磊(Wu Lei)!(and Wu Lei.)

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PositiveDirection:从和强力鸟比进球数,到前段时间中国共产党第五次全国代表大会联赛进球第一,那便是老C 罗Nardo!(Just like that he went from being compared to Paulinho to being the highest goalscorer in the top 5 European Leagues, this is old 罗纳尔多!)

Don_Balon:C Ronaldo正是大胜了欧洲季军联赛、La Liga、欧洲国家杯和金球奖的葡萄牙共和国Salah!(罗Nardois just a Champions League, La Liga, Euros and Ballon D'or winning Portuguese Salah.)

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BeardBurn:不精晓这两支球队如故还打网球,那首先盘打得很完美!(Ddin't know these two teams played tennis. Good first set.)

LinXcze:“假如你进球比对手多,那您就不会输。”——爱因斯坦。(AlbertEinstein: “Can't lose if you score more goals then opponent.”)

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Rushford进球,曼彻斯特联足球俱乐部1-0Leicester City Football Club

mikey_croatia:与其像阿森纳足球俱乐部那么站着死,仍然如此跪着赢的痛感更加好…(I'll take an ugly win over a beautiful loss like Arsenal.)

TaxBillsPayments:瞎bb什么啊,我厂明明是跪着死好不佳!(You asshole now arsenal just do ugly losses.)

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Yungcheestring:好吓人啊,二零一八年的曼彻斯特联足球俱乐部不就能够争联赛亚军了?(Scares me to think United could be title contenders again next season :(

Impim:事实上大家年年对新春都是那样想的…(Actuallyevery year we believe that for the next year.)

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redwan010:Lukaku是一名经验充裕的球员,在竞赛第1分钟就如已经在踢加时赛一样了!(Lukakuis an experienced player as he is playing the 1st minute just like he has been running for the extra times.)

DarkSofter:迈克-Dean是准备给场上22名球员一个人一张黄牌来庆祝本人执法英国拔尖联赛100场么?(Is Dean setting up for his special finale giving give his 100th Premier League yellow cards to all 22 players?)

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不败纪录截至,巴萨4-5莱万特

KryptonianGnome:巴萨:“Messi先生,笔者以为到不太好…”Barca: "Mr. Messi I don't feel so good"

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Carterish:巴萨终结了不败纪录,就是为了向教师的离退休致敬!(Barca's retirement gift to Wenger to cease the unbeaten streak.)

h3ro1n1e:稍加一硬,略表保养。(I can only get erect.)

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thoth2:咱俩在场上有俩加起来值3亿的球员,但绝非Messi却依然踢成了那吊样…(We have two players worth 300M on the pitch and we are still getting dicked without Messi.)

Mekfal:巴萨你妹啊,那正是您得了不败的旗帜?(Holy shit wtf Barca, that's the way you lose the streak?

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:那才是Pique表现不佳的确实原因?

Vulgarny:Messi退役后,巴萨还可以够收获欧洲足球亚军联赛资格么…(You guys will be able to qualify to CL when Messi will retire?)

Justaregularperson:Messi永世不会退役的,因为他四十四岁的时候依旧会发掘队友都踢得不比本人…(梅西will never retire, at this rate Messi at 45 will still be better than the then current teammates.)

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Benfuker:一贯不C 罗Nardo的皇家马德里足球俱乐部,依然赢了6-0,而并未Messi的巴萨却被人按着摩擦…(Unbelievable, Real Madrid without 罗Nardo wins 6-0, Barcelona without Messi gets trashed easily as fuck.)

kokin33:自个儿感觉Mina这表现,差不离能够租用给我们一多个赛季了…(yeah Mina will be playing for us on loan in a year or two after this match…)

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:Mina上赛季前途怎样?

Vulgarny:这一场大概正是西班牙(Reino de España)和阿根廷FC的比赛的回看吧?(Is this recreation of Spain- FC Argentina?)

Fikkomikko:若是要小败,那就输出风格!(well, if you have to lose you should do it with style.)

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乌龙重出江湖,巴萨4-1基辅

AenarIT:笔者们是或不是脑子Watt了,竟然穿灰湖绿的球衣在诺Camp踢球…(White away kit, at the Camp Nou. What could go wrong with our heads?)

Canadianarepa:布拉格不是一天建成的,但却被巴萨1个钟头就毁掉了…(Roma wasn’t built in a day but Barcelona destroyed it in an hour.)

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SchraleAnus:自己就知晓巴萨有干爹,你看未有敌手的相助,巴萨根本就赢不了!(F*cking uefalona, can't win without the help of the other team scoring own goals /s.)

AngorLT:巴托梅乌打电话:“喂,拉各斯,你们别演得这么刚毅好不佳?”(Bartomeu : Hello? Roma? Dont make it so obvious)

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Noiserr:乌龙球能还是不能够算大家的主场进球啊?(Own goals should count as away goals :P)

Othersidegi:设若亚特兰洲大学进了乌龙帽子戏法,那能否把比赛用球带走呢…(If own goal scores a hat trick to Roma get to keep the match ball?.)

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Raddaya:观看C 罗Nardo进了倒钩,Messi决定进更加高难度的球——那正是用思想调控敌手来进球!(罗Nardoscores an epic bicycle kick? Pfft, Messi just mind controls defenders into scoring for him. GOAT.)

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AXMiller:有了Pique、暴力鸟和奥恩-戈尔那三叉戟,简直天下第一!(This game is done. No one can defend against a front-line with Paulinhio, Pique and Own Goal.)

Clungeon_master:Messi已决定离开巴萨,只为不愿在奥恩-戈尔的阴影下踢球!(Messiis going to leave Barcelona to get out of Own Goals shadow.)

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LosTerminators:在租借给拜仁亚特兰大足球俱乐部(FC Bayern Munich)1天后,奥恩-戈尔强势回归巴萨!(own goal back with us after a day's loan with Bayern.)

Olive_truth:巴萨在2017-18赛季的重要性词,就是门柱和乌龙了吧…(Barca 2017-2018: OG vs Post.)

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Scrench97:特其余Allison,竟然要一位防2支球队的射门…(Poor Allisonhas two teams playing against him.)

pbaik829:Dzeko啊,你那球方向射反了啊!(WRONG GOAL DZEKO.)

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MessiPaco进球,巴萨2-0苏州

KeyserBronson:Messi体内必将是有属于外星人的染色体…(There are chromosomes swimming in that body of Messi that belong to an alien.)

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Ceeduu:Paco的射门,仿佛北极熊的利爪一样残忍!(Look at Paco’s finish, cool as a polar bear’s toenails.)

Currul:埃德蒙顿或许曾经忘了,上次踢皇帝杯决赛的时候把梅西激怒的下台是如何…(I don't think Bilbao remember the last time they made Messi angry in that Copa Del Rey final.)

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Efelce:那上下全场的画风怎么迷之突变了…(Those halves couldn't have been any more different.)

SimpleEmergency:Valverde做中场小憩解说的时候,恐怕走错到毕包的盥洗室里了吧…(Velverde must have delivered his famous half-time talk to Athletic.)

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ducati1011:巴尔韦德下全场,可正是尽全力去模仿Mourinho的打法了…(Valverdedid his best to imitate Mourinho during the second half lel.)

Just_Wayfarer:当您看竞赛的时候,你不会注意到Rakitic;但纵然您精心望着Rakitic,你就能够开采本身看到了较量全局。(When you watch the game, you don't see Rakitic but when you watch Rakitic, you see the whole game.)

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:Rakitic2006年的帅照......

pathogeN7:看这一场较量可不用随意眨眼睛哦,不然你就能够错失贰回巴萨踢中门柱了!(Don't blink during this game, or else you'll miss a Barca post hit.)

FindingSimba:举例联赛踢中的门柱都能调换来欧洲足球季军联赛对手的随身,那也勉强算好事吧…(ill gladly take hitting the post in the league if it means the opposing team does in the the champions league.)

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伊瓜因Azar梅开,Chelsea5-0哈镇

fiveht78:纯属没悟出,作者在有生之年竟还是可以再看见二遍Chelsea前锋实现跑位、顺遂停球何况还把球给弄球门里去…(I never thought I'd see a Chelsea striker make a run, receive the ball and put it into the net again in my life.)

Viggorous:伊瓜因那赛季的英超进球,已经比吉鲁还多了…(Higuain has now scored more league goals this season than 吉鲁d.)

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Hardyman13:本人疑心阿隆索在历次接球的一弹指都要停下来思虑几分钟人生…(I feel like Alonso's default reaction when receiving the ball is to stop and reflect on life for a few seconds.)

fn_ChooseUserName:凯帕,你欠笔者太多的新四角裤了…(凯帕 owes me too many new pairs of boxers.)

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LostPrinceofWakanda:惊!萨利赛前如故在卫生间挟持球员当人质,并且还又搂又亲!(Breaking! Sarri holding players hostage in the dressing room for hugs and kisses.)

Anotherinquisition:直到以后作者也不明确Chelsea到底牛不牛逼,但哈镇踢得辣鸡相对是铁钉铁铆的…(Still not convinced Chelsea is that good. But I'm sure that Hudders田野(field) is that bad.)

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Mad_Lancer:哈哈,伊瓜因那搂着Barkley的进球就好像“纵然本人不认得你是哪个人但作者未来确实好兴奋!”(lmao Higuain did the "I don't even know your name but I'm so happy right now" celebration with Barkley.)

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温格收官战,Arsenal Football Club1-0哈德斯Field

LukeM60:奥巴梅杨二月才起来踢英国一流联赛,但他的联赛进球数竟然只比莫拉塔少三个,助攻数还和Azar一样多…(Aubameyang is 1 goal behind Morata whilst also having the same amount of assists as Hazard. He played his first game in February.)

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:阿森纳发表了上一个赛季的私人商品房教练!

Don_Balon:小编厂终于获得二〇一八年的主场第一分了…(Arsenal finally get first away points of 2018.)

AttackHelicopter97:咱俩那样努力,正是为着表达,联赛7连续输后的阿森纳足球俱乐部是不行克制的!(Let it be known that no one can beat Arsenal after losing away in the league 7 times in a row.)

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反败为胜获胜,拜仁拉各斯足球俱乐部(FC Bayern Munich)2-1塞Willy亚

BESTNBAGOAT:到今后小编也难以相信,蒙特拉竟然在带领踢UEFA Champions League48%决赛…(I can't believe Vincenzo Montella is playing quarter final in Champions League.)

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PineappleExpress98:每一趟看塞Willy亚较量的时候,那表现也疑似个强队,但为啥球队前锋的临门一脚总是如此坑爹呢?(Every time I watch Sevilla play they look like a top team until they have to take their chances. It's weird that almost every player on that team can't finish for the life of them.)

dedem13:是呀,笔者看Arsenal Football Club比赛的时候也是如此想的!(Yeah, it’s the same as what I thought watching Arsenal’s game.)

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SerieAnalyst:你们怎么不提进乌龙球的事啊…(how did you manage not to mention the own goal?)

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Lukaku马蒂奇进球,Manchester United2-0Brighton & Hove Albion F.C.

PureExcuse:前几天对切尔西看球的粉丝来讲,可不是好日子…(Today has not been a good day for us Chelsea fans...)

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JoeyBulgaria:想象三个具有Lukaku、Azar、德Bloor内和Salah的前场,岂不是强无敌了…(Imagine a front 4 of Lukaku/Hazard/KdB/Salah, they’d never lose.)

Rangerofthewest:同一时候前面跟着Matić,当然还或然有马塔…(Matic behind them, also Mata is there.)

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Messi三球,巴萨2-2瓦伦西亚

KingNothing666:自身堂堂西班牙(Spain)4600万总人口,难道就找不到二个近乎的裁决吗?(46 million people in Spain, and somehow, not a single competent referee.)

AshwinKattak:万一你感觉本人一无所长,毫无一技之长,不要气馁,请牢记,你能够去当La Liga裁判呀!(Just remember, if you completely fail in life and have no talents, please don’t be upset, you can still apply to be a la liga ref.)

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Inmolatus:宣判很迷啊,既然你都不要VA本田UR-V,那干什么要装上它呢…(This referee is embarrasing... why the fuck do you have VALAND if you are going to not play advantage? )

Jaqobs:唉,前两每一日子杯咋不是其一裁定来呢!(Why is not you in our match against barca?)

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AlwaysSnowyInSiberia:Messi好像直到下全场才想起来自身是何人…(Messididn’t remember he was Messi until the seco`nd half.)

rednades:本身不太懂球,但自己感到评判能够被轮换下场了!(I don't know if its a thing but this ref needs to be subbed off.)

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联赛破纪录100分,曼彻斯特城1-0比勒陀利亚

Umbricon:固然如此不是93分20秒的进球,但结尾时刻的绝杀依然勾起了我们最佳的纪念…(With the last kick of the game. Not quite 93:20, but very reminiscent nonetheless :)

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Messi带帽,巴萨3-1Club Deportivo Leganés

Adamanthium:看巴萨比赛最大的童趣,正是皮主席的不以为奇顶进禁区去射门…(Piquedaily goal hunting has to be one of my favorite aspect of watching a Barca game.)

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:什么叫人生赢家?

r0bski2:Messi在30米处任意球的功力,已经比超过绝大好多球员踢点球了!(Messiis better from 30 yards than most players are at penalties.)

Sagan0823:是呀,举个例子梅西。(Messi, for example.)

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Slyrangoon:梅西都不明了该怎么庆祝进球了,恐怕是进球都曾经成习于旧贯了吧…(Messidoesn't even know what celebration to do now. It has become a routine for him.)

TheoRaan:我们正有幸见证阿根廷穆罕默德·萨拉赫和沙漠Messi的亚洲金靴争夺!(Sand Messi and Argentine 穆罕默德·Salah neck and neck for the 高尔德en Boot. What a time to be alive.)

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MorataPedro进球,Chelsea2-1Leicester City Football Club

yodeadassb:自家很想清楚,Pedro被踹倒的角旗杆弹到蛋蛋上是何许认为…(I was wondering how would it feel to kick the flag and it just rebound to Pedro’s ballsack…)

Marathon1981:Morata用脚进了球,Pedro用头进了球,那本子不太对啊…(莫拉塔scores with his foot, Pedro with his head…there must be something wrong.)

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Benzema进球,皇家马德里足球俱乐部3-0Deportivo Alavés

azaaaa7:一旦您以为交欢很爽,那是因为你没看过Benzema的进球。(Yeah sex is cool but have you seen Benzema’s goal.)

GeorgeMahaRiskTaker:巴萨平了,作者皇赢了,欧耶,美好的一天!咦,怎么巴萨领头羊的分差还扩大了?(Barca drew, we won. Good day indeed. Oh wait, why Barca leading gap is increasing?)

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BigCrashLittleChyna:有没有人告诉Bell,比赛一度上马了,可不得以从医院出院了?(Can someone go tell Bale to get out of the hospital? The game started.)

Lolaya:卡Semimi罗就好像三个对黄牌自带免疫性效果的金刚Barbie…(卡Semimi罗 has like a anti yellow card feature in his baby face robot body.)

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Carrick告别战,Manchester United1-0沃特福德足球俱乐部

TheLarryMullenBand:以后克隆Carrick的技术有进行了吧?(Any progress on that cloning technology for Carrick?)

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:祝弗爵爷早日康复!

C 罗Nardo格列兹曼进球,皇家马德里足球俱乐部1-1马德里竞赛

ketzal7:就算看见C 罗Nardo进球很不爽,但作者要么不自觉地硬了…(Im upset but erect at the same time when 罗Nardo scores.)

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jerrie86:这一场竞赛,最应当得红牌的就是评判!(Referee should be given red for this match.)

pathogeN7:思疑的是,这一个赛季三回洛杉矶德比,最终的胜者竟然都以巴萨…(Hard to believe Barcelona win the Madrid derby for the second time this season,.)

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梅西Dembele进球,巴萨3-0Chelsea

Sonofsochi:霍金才离世不到一天,Messi就早就在篮球场上破坏物理原理了!(StephenHawking hasnt even been dead for 24 hours yet and Messi out here destroying the laws of physics.)

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fua_neng:Messi在此以前踢了Chelsea这么多场都没进球,到以后终归才清楚,射门的时候就应当瞄着门将的丁丁!(All these years not scoring against Chelsea; Messi never realized until now that he should have just been blasting it straight at the keeper's dick the whole time)

图片 87

:芝麻开门!

Youthinho:英帝国首相特蕾莎-梅说要冻结俄罗丝在United Kingdom的老本,结果没悟出居然把Chelsea的后防线给冻结了!(When 特里萨 May said she would freeze Russian assets in UK, I didn't think she was talking about Chelsea's defence.)

iciboy:Kurtova前一周行动都得像企鹅那样走了吧…(Courtois is going to be walking around like a penguin next week.)

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Thevorminatheria:Kurtova小编精晓您一看见Messi就高潮,但您不要把腿张开成那贰个样子好倒霉…(Courtois I understand you get horny when you see Messi but don't open your legs like that.)

dgar_805:Kurtova在Messi前面张开腿的次数,可比Mia Khalifa 在银屏上展开腿的次数多多了…(Courtois opened his legs out more times to Messi than 米娅 Khalifa ever on screen...)

(注:Mia Khalifa,便是下图中的大妹子...)

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:传说永久不得比较!

Psychomaji:Bogba明天以致全场隐身!(Pogba has been invisible today.)

Youtht0pia:本人若是巴萨球员,那就自然会在右路进攻,因为没贰个Chelsea球员敢去将近Conti了…(If I was a Barca player I'd start all attacks on the right wing because none of the chelsea players dare to get close to Conte.)

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Anoiserr:自己打赌Neymar以后正值什么地点牵记Messi的黑影吧…(I bet Neymaris sitting somewhere missing Messi's shadow.)

XeroVeil:“16强被FCB淘汰,小编一向心弛神往。”——吉鲁。("Ro16 games against FCB, I remember them!" ~ Giroud.)

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damrider:Chelsea丢第一球此前,一共才触球2次…(chelsea touched the ball twice before conceding the first goal.)

Java_Beans:里头一遍是Ludig给巴萨的乌龙直接助攻,另一遍正是球碰到了Kurtova的胯下…(One of them is Rudiger's half assist. The other one being Courtois's nuts.)

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Dqhigh:乌姆蒂蒂就如二个穿着巴萨球衣的黑洞同样,把贴近他的攻击全都给吸走了…(Umtitijust devours any attack developing near him, like some sort of sentient black hole in a Barcelona kit.)

terreblanche14:Sanchez在UEFA Champions League主场XJBT被淘汰,吉鲁又被FCB摁着摩擦。即使你们离开了阿森纳足球俱乐部,但阿森纳足球俱乐市长久都在你们的心迹!(Alexisgetting eliminated from UCL after a mediocre home performance, 吉鲁d getting raped by FCB, you can leave Arsenal but Arsenal will always in your heart!)

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图片 94

:“淘汰号”飞机送您回家...

转换局面升级,巴萨6-1哈尔滨

EagleOfDeathMetal:6-1的比分,咋这么面熟呢?(6-1, where have I seen that before?)

Theenigmacode:笔者们遗失了见证登太阴星君迹,但大家却侥幸见证了Messi的时日!(We missed the moon landing but get to witness Messi.)

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Barcaholic: Messi能用脚给贰个沉睡的老鼠刮胡子而不弄醒它…(Messi could shave a sleeping mouse by his feet without waking it.)

KronoS275:Messi就特么是个外挂!(梅西 is like a fucking cheat code.)

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Volitient:哈维是或不是把头发染了,然后改名称叫Artur来踢球了?(I think xavi just dyed his hair blond and changed his name to Arthur.)

JoLeTrembleur:那球队是何许条件啊,笔者早已感到到黄华隐约作痛了…(What a level this team is displaying. I'm from Lyon and my ass hurts by advance.)

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不亦乐乎,皇家马德里6-0塞尔塔

Messiavelli:C罗没上都赢这么多,你明白我们不上Messi会如何呢?(And that’s without 罗Nardo... do you how Barca works without Messi?)

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kaspar737:巴萨为啥不上Messi呢?(Why doesn't Barca have Messi?)

Messiavellit:想必是Messi要为UEFA Champions League轮休吧!(Maybe he's being rested for the CL.)

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好了,亲爱的小同伙们,本期的“国外也是有段子手”就为大家播报到那了,让我们上一期不见不散!

抢先两个球被转败为胜,曼彻斯特城2-3Manchester United

KK-Chocobo:是否弗爵爷在中场休息的时候,跑到卫生间里去踢曼彻斯特联球员的屁股了?(Did 亚历克斯 Furguson go into the changing room and kick butt at half time?)

vicote91:这一场比赛,曼彻斯特城足球俱乐部的表现只不过是一支烧原油的水晶宫而已…(I think this match City are basically just an oil-powered 科瑞斯特尔 Palace.)

图片 100

图片 101

Kreygasm2233:设若Manchester City F.C.在接下去的竞赛里都不获胜了怎么做…(What if they never win again?)

Easily_Baked:随即要输这么惨,穆帅一定是在中场休息时承诺球员们若是胜球就去请客做最高端的染发!(Thought we lost at HT but 何塞 must have promised the lads a proper SAF hairdryer treatment during the break.)

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four_four_three:Bogba开启了染发的超技巧情势!(Pogba ACTIVATED THE HAI兰德ENCORE'S SPECIAL POWELX570S.)

EmergencyCredit:那自然是赢得了一级赛亚人的真传!(it was inspired by the Super Saiyan transformation...)

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竟然遭淘汰,曼彻斯特联1-2福冈

MuchAire:博格罢那XJBT的水平,就疑似是塞Willy亚派来的卧底一样…(Pogbye was absolute shit today and I was wondering if he was playing for Sevilla in disguise.)

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Jacamacho:本身只想来提醒一下各位,塞Willy亚只是被大家灌了5个球的健儿…(I'm here to remind you that Sevilla conceded 5 goals vs. us lol.)

pick_a_maul:不常间香水之都输给皇家马德里的交锋看起来已经不那么丢人了…(And suddenly Paris' loss to Real Madrid in the Ro16 looks far less humiliating.)

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:想象中的曼彻斯特联进攻VS实际的Manchester United进攻

Holymani:你还是能够奢望什么吗?一支财政如此艰辛的小球队,怎么能跟大豪门塞Willy亚相抗衡呢!(Well what did you expect. What can a small club with little financial muscle do vs a powerhouse like Sevilla?)

33papers:那还比不上让西汉姆联替曼彻斯特联去踢UEFA Champions League呢,起码大家还可以够看个乐呵吧?(look I'm just saying but if we put West Ham in the CL instead of Man Utd atleast we would be entertained.)

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Benzema两个球,Real Madrid Club de Fútbol3-1Girona FC

CounterfeitMemes:在叁个月内皇家马德里足球俱乐部竟然要踢3次巴萨,2次阿贾克斯和1次Atlético Madrid…(In the next month Real Madrid will play Barça three times, Ajax twice and Atleti once.)

superfire444:能和巴萨Atlético Madrid齐名,小编贾府真是受惊若宠…(Being named alongside barca and atleti is awesome :)

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Nooobz:亲密的朋友们,小编困惑Benzema是把欧洲足球亚军联赛上的进球给透支到境内比赛场地了!咱欧洲季军联赛岂不是要凉了…(Guys, I’m worried because I think Benz wasted all of his secret magic CL portions and won’t have any left for the upcoming CL matches.)

图片 108

好了,亲爱的伙伴们,本期的“国外也是有段子手”就为我们播报到那了,让大家拭目以待,来看上一期歪果仁们进一步优质的辛辣玩弄啊!

小豌豆进球,Chelsea1-1西汉姆联足球俱乐部

george_regann:看看埃弗拉和小豌豆还在联合签名竞技,我不由得泪如雨下…(Seeing evra and 埃尔南德斯 together brings a tear to my eye.)

aprx4:还会有莫耶斯呢!诶,等等…(And Moyes. Oh wait....)

图片 109

jhuskisson:本人曾经想不起来上次我们1-0抢先时还不用忧郁对方比不慢就追平是何等时候了…(I can’t remember the last match we were winning 1-0 that I didn’t think “ok they’re going to equalise soon”.)

_cumblast_:现行反革命伯恩利足球俱乐部距离切尔西的分数之差,已经比Chelsea距离托Turner姆热刺足球俱乐部或乌特勒支还少了…(Burnley are closer to Chelsea in the Premier League table, than Chelsea are to Tottenham or Liverpool.)

图片 110

顺手升级,拜仁布加勒斯特(FC Bayern Munich)3-1贝西克塔斯

Manere:Heynckes手下的拜仁奥斯陆足球俱乐部(FC Bayern Munich)8-1Bessie克塔斯,Ancelotti的拜仁胡志明市10-2Arsenal Football Club,这样来看,Bessie克塔斯仍旧比Arsenal Football Club强非常多啊…(Bayern 8:1 aggr vs Besiktas under Hybckes. Bayern 10:2 vs Arsenal under Ancelotti. From this I conclude that Besiktas is obviously better then Arsenal.)

图片 111

:笔者夺欧洲足球季军联赛,你拿欧联。一流杯上,不见不散!

Welbeck三球,阿森纳足球俱乐部3-2南安普顿

Juhmazing:那踢球就像喝醉酒的长颈羚的Welbeck,竟然也能时时传来个好球了?(Even Welbeck who strikes the ball like a drunk giraffe with vertigo makes a beautiful pass every now and then.)

mustache_dad:本身奋力说服了温馨,刚才看的90分钟确实是一场真正的较量…(I tried to persuade myself what we just watched for 90 minutes technically counts as a real football match.)

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JavBG17:当有人问笔者世界拔尖球员是何人时,笔者身为Messi,因为Welbeck根本就不属于地球!(When people ask me who I think the best player in the world is I say Messi, because Welbeck is clearly not from this earth.)

GhostOfCaesar:真可惜啊,霍金教师还尚无破解维尔Beck之谜就不幸过世了!(What a pity Professor Hawking died before he could explain Danny Welbeck.)

图片 113

Bears-Eat_Beets:宣判心中清楚,对Arsenal Football Club最不利的惩罚,其实正是承接保险WillHill平素能在场上踢球!(The ref knew that the real punishment for Arsenal would be to keep Wilshere on and make sure he can play.)

IfYouRun:其实蒂Warner观球的观众们照旧值得欢畅一下的,起码今年夏日克拉科夫不会再来买你们的球员了…(On the bright side for Southampton fans, at least Liverpool aren't going to buying any of your players this summer...)

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进步欧联杯8强,阿森纳足球俱乐部3-1 AC法兰克福(Associazione Calcio Milan)

Hjuretzer:总比分5-1荣升,拜仁罗马足球俱乐部(FC Bayern Munich)一定会为你们感觉骄傲的!(5-1 on aggregate. Bayern would be half proud of you.)

DashingPhonyRhodes:第2回合大家确定能赢!希望雅加达能适应重返欧战的感到…(3rd leg is OUOdysseyS, hopefully we can get used to return in Europe.)

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Mesinbasuh:左右多特已经被淘汰了,未来我们能否在欧联杯上让奥巴梅杨出场了…(with dortmund out, can we play aubameyang in the europa league now pls.)

Malikdwd:过去八年踢这么烂,其实是教师为了吸引AC首尔足球俱乐部而特意下的一步大棋!(Playing very badly over two years was Wenger’s strategy to confuse Milan.)

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好了,亲爱的同伴们,本期的“国外也是有段子手”就为大家播报到那了,让我们上期不见不散!

联赛六连冠!拜仁布拉格足球俱乐部4-1奥Gus堡足球俱乐部

-zimms-:现行反革命拜仁赫尔辛基足球俱乐部(FC Bayern Munich)是时候管理伤病难点了,终归过几天还有至关心尊敬要的交锋,并且须要至少有10个健康的球员能出台的…(Time for 拜尔n to get physical as well. This is ridiculous. Bayern has another important game in a couple of days and would need at least 11 uninjured players.)

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好了,亲爱的友人们,本期的“国外也可能有段子手”就为我们播报到那了,让我们上一期不见不散!

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